I ate well. I ate protein and vegetables, mostly. I ate when I was hungry. I didn't overeat at any point during the day. I resisted the urge of boredom during commercial breaks in my TV schedule to go and raid the fridge for more food. No alcohol, no cakes, no biscuits, no treats.
I exercised. I exercised well. 20 mins on the bike, 20 mins on the treadmill. A good stretch. Steam room and sauna.
This morning, I feel what I often feel after a good day. I feel progress. I feel a little bit slimmer. I feel a little bit more toned. I feel a little bit more in control. I feel a little bit happier with myself.
Boom! And there strikes the curse of a good day.
I feel a little bit happier with myself...it struck me this morning that my fundamental problem is I'm not angry enough with myself about being overweight. I'm carrying at least 20kg too much and yet it doesn't make me mad as hell. I have one (yes ONE) good day, and I feel a little bit happier with myself. That means a little bit less angry with myself. I can't afford to be less angry with myself. I can't afford to feel even a little happier with myself. I am teetering on the brink, I am at the tipping point. The fulcrum is directly under me. The slightest movement towards the happy, away from the angry, tips the balance into complacency.
As I write I feel hungry. I had a good breakfast of pepper and mushroom omelette at 8am. There is no reason to be hungry now at shortly before 11am. And yet the complacency, the lack of anger, tempts me to reach for some food.
The alternative is not particularly enticing though. What do I do? Have a bad day instead, to avoid the curse of a good day?
The curse of a bad day is even worse...