Full of fear...

Today I am fearful, full of fear.

I am fearful I am a bad dad, and I don't mean in the Michael Jackson sense (of the meaning of "bad" rather than as a role model father). An incident at the weekend has me not sleeping well and very concerned. Can't say more but, hey, it's there.

I am also fearful that I have orthorexia which is in the news today. Apparently 1 in 10 women and 1 in 20 men have this obsession with so-called healthy eating. I am pushing the Dr Briffa/Paul Chek (apologies to any other who's theory it fits that I haven't credited...) high protein and no starchy carbs as far as I can at the moment. Last Thursday I celebrated my first truly starchy-carb free day. Then this news comes out and makes me fearful I am heading for, or even that I already have, an eating disorder.

Lastly I am fearful that I will never shift this excess weight. I know I am not alone here. I think every person and blogger on a weight loss journey has moments (or hours, or days, or weeks, or months, or even yes years) of doubt on the way. It's like all journeys I guess. No matter how reliable our map, or sat nav, there comes a moment when going to somewhere new that you seriously wonder if you are on the right road. Should I have turned off back there? Did I miss a sign? Will I run out of petrol before I get there?

And yet I know that these 3 things basically all come down to the same thing.

Basic. Human. Fear.

As humans we fear the unknown. Whether it's facing up to the teen decade of our eldest child for the first time. Or a new way of eating that maybe hasn't been around quite long enough for the general opinion to have decided whether it's fad or trend. Or trying to get a new body (or back to an old one) that we've never known and experienced. Or going out to meet friends at a new restaurant.

It's normal. It's basic. It's human. And it's still fear.

Positive mental attitude can't get rid of it. Ignoring it is not going to do much.

Feel the fear and do it anyway is the only way to go. (I have never read that book...)

I feel the fear. I'm going to do it anyway.

Next weekend I have to face some issues at home and try to deal with them.

I am really not that obsessive - it took me so long to do even 1 day of absolutely 100% no starchy carbs I'm not sure that orthorexia is a serious fear. And I will lose the weight. How much the last 2 are related are as yet undecided, but hey, I'm going to do both, somehow.

And yet again, blogging proves its worth. I'm already feeling less fearful about it all...

...training update

20 mins bike and 5km on the treadmill...that's worth a few more lights today!!!

I ran until my i-pod ran out. Maybe time for a new, longer playlist?

Rest and motivation

Yesterday was a rest day....5 days in a row meant I needed one. My body still aches today, I am lacking motivation to exercise, but exercise I must.

Rest days are difficult in some ways. My Philips DirectLife monitor always flashes a disappointingly small number of lights at the end of a rest day. I usually then get a nice message asking me if I want to reduce my target. I always decline, on the basis that the target is perfect for an active day. It spurs me on to do that little bit more, to keep using the stairs, to walk places I'd normally not, to park in the far corner of the supermarket car park.

But it does mean that rest days are very low vs target, and that in turn means that my weekly target is rarely 100%...you see, I have a pretty high target, well over 1,600 cals burned per day. 100% on one day is tough. But even if I hit the tough target on 5 or 6 days while resting for the other 2 or 1 days, it's impossible to reach 100% of the weekly target. I know the point of the monitor is to measure normal, everyday activity rather than exercise calories...but I guess I use it a little differently. I am not demotivated by not hitting the 100% weekly. The light show on a good day is surely enough reward (along with the smug grin I can afford myself). But it is also not designed with a light show for the weekly target achieved...so I can't be too far away from the norm.

Once again, blogging has raised my mood. I am now significantly more motivated to go and exercise than I was when I started writing.

So much so, I will choose a workout track of the day: "The Flood" by Take That (100 bpm; fast cycling).

Bring on the spinning bike!!!

Blogging works...

No sh*t!

I have cause to review the last 2 months progress. It is more or less the start of a new month. I have lost 5kg since January 5th. I had already lost 4 of those 5kgs on 2nd Feb. 9 posts in January plus 2 in Feb before the 2nd adds up to 11 posts and 4kgs loss. Since then, 3 posts and 1kg loss. The maths is clear to me...you do it too if you want...

So here I am again. February was a strange month including a hastily arranged business trip to, quite literally, the other side of the world. Not conducive to great eating or exercise regularity.

But I'm back on it now, feeling good, weighing less, training more, eating well, almost at the point of having to punch a new hole in my belt...some have even said (prompted) that they can see the 5kgs gone. I'm not so sure myself, but it's sort of nice to hear anyway.

No real change to what I'm doing as it seems to be working just fine...the only reason progress isn't better is me not sticking to what I should. Protein and low GI vegetables are the bulk of my eating these days. Pure and simple, 3 times a day and 7 days a week. Good quality food, recognisable not processed, and mainly just not starchy carb-like... see Dr John Briffa for more details!

Work out track of the day...none, I was doing PT so no i-pod today.