Monday, 21 March 2011

Full of fear...

Today I am fearful, full of fear.

I am fearful I am a bad dad, and I don't mean in the Michael Jackson sense (of the meaning of "bad" rather than as a role model father). An incident at the weekend has me not sleeping well and very concerned. Can't say more but, hey, it's there.

I am also fearful that I have orthorexia which is in the news today. Apparently 1 in 10 women and 1 in 20 men have this obsession with so-called healthy eating. I am pushing the Dr Briffa/Paul Chek (apologies to any other who's theory it fits that I haven't credited...) high protein and no starchy carbs as far as I can at the moment. Last Thursday I celebrated my first truly starchy-carb free day. Then this news comes out and makes me fearful I am heading for, or even that I already have, an eating disorder.

Lastly I am fearful that I will never shift this excess weight. I know I am not alone here. I think every person and blogger on a weight loss journey has moments (or hours, or days, or weeks, or months, or even yes years) of doubt on the way. It's like all journeys I guess. No matter how reliable our map, or sat nav, there comes a moment when going to somewhere new that you seriously wonder if you are on the right road. Should I have turned off back there? Did I miss a sign? Will I run out of petrol before I get there?

And yet I know that these 3 things basically all come down to the same thing.

Basic. Human. Fear.

As humans we fear the unknown. Whether it's facing up to the teen decade of our eldest child for the first time. Or a new way of eating that maybe hasn't been around quite long enough for the general opinion to have decided whether it's fad or trend. Or trying to get a new body (or back to an old one) that we've never known and experienced. Or going out to meet friends at a new restaurant.

It's normal. It's basic. It's human. And it's still fear.
Positive mental attitude can't get rid of it. Ignoring it is not going to do much.
Feel the fear and do it anyway is the only way to go. (I have never read that book...)

I feel the fear. I'm going to do it anyway.
Next weekend I have to face some issues at home and try to deal with them.
I am really not that obsessive - it took me so long to do even 1 day of absolutely 100% no starchy carbs I'm not sure that orthorexia is a serious fear. And I will lose the weight. How much the last 2 are related are as yet undecided, but hey, I'm going to do both, somehow.

And yet again, blogging proves its worth. I'm already feeling less fearful about it all...

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